4 Things To Tell Yourself When You Feel Like A Failure
Did you log in to your social media account today?
Welcome to the world of social media.
It’s a world where friends would rather type “LOL” than actually hang out and laugh in person.
It’s a place where some travellers would post amazing and breath-taking photos and talk about how travel changes their lives for the better. It’s where they’ll say you should just pack your bags, quit your job and drop everything because #YOLO.
It’s a place where some people will unapologetically post pictures of their branded bags, shoes and clothes while in real life, they’re actually hiding their credit card statements from their life partners.
So yes, have you been on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter today?
If yes, then there’s a pretty good chance that you feel “unaccomplished”, “unsuccessful” or unhappy today.
Social media can make you sad.
Here’s a recent study to back this up:
We found that the more you use Facebook over time, the more likely you are to experience negative physical health, negative mental health and negative life satisfaction.
After all, browsing through your Facebook/Instagram feed and seeing your friends get married or buy a house or travel or do all three at the same time can start a never-ending spiral of comparison-itis.
It can make you feel like you’re missing out, like you’re not really living, or like you’re not good enough.
Obviously, though, I can’t force you to log out of your social media accounts.
What I can do is give you these four helpful reminders that you can tell yourself every time you feel sad, scared or savage AF.
Here they are:
1. You write your own definition of success.
Your titas kept asking you when you’ll have a boypren or a gerlpren so every time you say “Wala pa po”, you feel forever alone.
Your childhood best friend talks to you about buying a house as the biggest purchase of her life.
The biggest purchase of your life was buying that Harry Potter-themed bookcase because “the bookcase chooses the wizard”.
Every week, your Facebook friend posts a radio interview, a podcast interview or maybe the top three awards that he received that week. This makes you feel inadequate. “Am I not earning enough?” or “Why am I not achieving anything in life?”
I’m here to tell you the good news.
Listen, you’re allowed to define your own version of “success”.
Regardless of what anyone says, there’s no fixed definition of success.
Success isn’t just millionaire status. To you, it may mean having enough to provide for the needs of yourself and your family and to give back to the community at the same time.
Success isn’t just a 1-bedroom condo or a spanking mansion. Sometimes, it can be as simple as having your own place to call “home”.
Success isn’t limited to a 20-year romantic relationship. To you, it may mean celebrating the people in your life who are there because they love you for who you are, not what you have.
To you, success may not be a top award in your industry or a “managerial” title. It can be as simple as jumping out of the bed in the morning because you’re absolutely in love with what you do.
Success is about finding personal meaning and contentment in your life.
Define your own success.
Don’t let anyone else define it for you.
2. If you can control it, focus on it. If you can’t, forget it.
Stuck in traffic?
Got yelled at by your boss?
Got rejected by your biggest client?
Every time I feel like a failure for something that happened, I allow myself one day to embrace it.
I’ll cry by myself. I’ll watch Suits, Modern Family or a Korean drama. I’ll eat good Korean food with A. Or I’ll go to the coffee shop with my family. I do these to let go of the stress so I can objectively acknowledge my mistakes and reflect on what I could have done better.
After these, I dust myself up, take a shower, and put on my favorite lip tint.
It’s time to move on.
You’re just wasting your energy on the past – things that you couldn’t control anymore because they already happened!
Remember the lesson, but don’t get too caught up in self-pity.
3. You’re never “too old”.
Unless your dream has an age limit, like joining the Olympics, then you’re not too old to become better.
Stan Lee created “The Fantastic Four” just shy of this 39th birthday.
Vera Wang entered fashion at age 40.
Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42.
JK Rowling was 32 when the first Harry Potter book was published.
Morgan Freeman got his first major movie role at age 52.
You still have time to chase your dreams.
You’re good enough.
Your future is happening today – and it’s up to you to create it.
4. Your net worth doesn’t define your self worth.
That bank balance doesn’t define you as a person.
That paycheck you get every 15 days doesn’t know how funny you are, or how loving you are to your family and friends.
That investment that just made 12% this year doesn’t know your integrity or your character.
Someone who’s earning P100,000 a month but is sacrificing his integrity to get that VS someone who’s earning P10,000 a month in a decent manner – which would you value more?
Success isn’t in the numbers.
These are all just numbers.
Numbers don’t define who you are.
Your values do.
So the next time you feel like a failure, remember these four “note-to-self’s”.
Bookmark this article. Share with your friends. Or even print a reminder to be posted on your personal space.
Build your own life that you’re proud to live.
How about you: what’s your meaning of success?